Where Are You Now?

8th Dec 15


Slow Your Roll.

I was always so sure that my life would go exactly the way I planned it. It was always my objective to go to Uni, get into my desired career path as quick as ever, work my socks off until I made my business lucrative enough to run itself, invest money into property and flip my investments until I made enough profit to be comfortable and then settle down and have kids with the person I fell in loved with and married whilst I was simultaneously achieving all of these occupational goals. I have always believed that I was destined for greatness and although I still believe so but, I’ve come to realise that even it is not impossible to attain the above it is far from easy. I thought that the only hurdles that I would have to forcibly jump over in my race with life would be career related ones and life has shown that it’s not that simple.

First off doing all of these things before you reach the tender age of 26-28 years old is not as realistic as it seems. Careers take grafting and hard work to attain and talent and merit is purely not enough to get to where you want to be. The saying that ‘your network is your net worth’ is one that definitely follows true to form. You need to make connections with the right people who can push you towards even more people to get to where you need to be and all of this takes time. Sometimes months but most times years and that just the reality of it. I find that you may see some people doing what you want to be doing and you don’t believe that they deserve what they’re receiving but, if you look deeper down the line, you may realise that person is probably so well connected that they don’t even need to graft as hard as you’re currently doing.

In regards to relationships, falling in love is easily done but being in a relationship with someone who you are compatible with is harder. When I was younger I used to think that love was enough but now that I am older I realise that it is far from. Just because two people feel the same way about each other does not mean that they should/can be together. A relationship needs to be held together with more than the I love you’s that you whisper to each other. It takes time, effort and dedication and more importantly patience. It takes more to be a good partner to your spouse than giving them kisses and hugs and taking them to nice dinners. It takes support, trust, selflessness amongst other things to make things work.

Also, It’s important to really be with someone that rides for you in every sense of the notion. They have to be your biggest fan, they have to be willing to invest in you in every possible way. I’ve come to realise that it’s way too easy to settle with someone who you know isn’t right for you due to the fear of being alone and not getting married in ‘time’ but in the long run, it’s only detrimental to your being.

All in all, what I’m trying to say is that really, I had a plan that is going to shits and it’s not a bad thing. It’s my own fault for making myself believe that if things are meant to be then they would happen seamlessly and almost immediately – without a glitch. I think that mentally, I was limiting myself and subconsciously setting myself up for failure. Of course these things are attainable without a doubt, but the time frame was not realistic. They will not happen on such a short timeline and it wont be as easy to attain as I want it to be. I have to remember that not only is everything worth having is worth working for but it’s also worth waiting for.

So, this is a vow to myself to give myself more time. Not to worry about the pressures that people are putting on me (family especially) but to only have tunnel vision in regards to getting what I want. I have a goal and I’m going to attain it, simple.


Coat – ZARA

T Shirt – H&M

Hat- Zara

Trouser – Berry Haute

Boots – Ego Official

Bag – Givenchy

Cuff – YSL

  • helen

    Wow, this well written i read your blog but i just had to comment. people especial African
    ladies need to stop limiting themselves for whatever reasons especial in terms of love and marriage

    • melswardrobe

      Aww Thank you so much Helen! It means a lot that you’ve commented. I think it’s definitely harder for people from the ethnic minority as a lot of our cultural values bind us with silly notions that they consider as values. Times are changing and some things are no long a necessity. Definitely going to stop limiting myself!! xxx

  • Mandy

    You know how to perfectly put your thoughts and feelings into words Mel. Everything you said is too true !!! Get out of my mind and brain Melissa.
    You know the hustle is real and not everyone is so privileged and shall I say lucky??
    You graft so hard and have certain expectations and things just so happen adversely and you begin to wonder what is wrong with you .
    I thought race was the only issue I had to deal with moving to a foreign country and all but it’s a lot more than that .
    I think for most that already have the connections and don’t have that to worry about, some like me is still trying to make those connections which in 2015 Is like a massive road block.
    I actually don’t know how to feel anymore.
    It’s definitely not as straight forward as they say, ‘ believe in yourself and every thing will fall into place’ yea maybe but that for most takes years,
    And in a society where everyone else’s you know is doing well reasonably well, it turns you angry and upset sometimes lol

    • melswardrobe

      Hahah. I feel as though a lot of us are going through similar experiences. Also, alot of us have entrepreneurial spirits and it takes time and decidication to get to a high point of ones career whilst trying to develop your own brand single handedly. It’s hard for everyone. I try not to compare myself to others to much as I find that comparison is the theif of joy. Strictly tunnel vision from now on. xxxx

  • J W

    Got worried when I saw the first photo in this post, like, “Oh no! Why does it look like she’s been crying!?” Everything you said is on point. I realized not too long ago that one has the power to manifest their dreams, but it’s going to go by the universe’s/God’s “schedule”. Maybe because time such a man-made concept? Who knows. That’s the trade-off, though. I think once you let go of timing without letting it diminish your faith in your future, the better your manifestations. I’ve seen this play out in my love life, business, and even academic life.

    • melswardrobe

      Hahah it was just freezing that day so it was hard to keep a happy face! I definitely agree with you on the letting go of timing. There definitely is a higher power working around us and we humans are so obsessed with controlling everything ourselves that we find it hard to let go and let God. Myself especially!