Rant – Sometimes I just feel like I’ve become too damn available. I can wholeheartedly concluded that about a generous 90% of my day is spent online – either working or for social reasons. Which means either my phone or a device that has some kind of communication portal is occupied by my hands or my mind and you know what I AM BLOODY TIRED OF IT.
I’m tired of going to dinner and picking up my phone to scroll aimlessly through some dumbass app without actually trying to enjoy my time with the company I’m with. I’m tired of the person that I’m dining with succumbing to their phone addiction too.
I’m tired of seeing people holding up their phones to document a moment rather than dwelling in it – these days if you look at wedding/party photo’s (taken by professional photographer) 90% of the crowd will be holding up some kinda smart device to capture said moment which in fact makes the professional pictures look weird – I’m really starting to wonder if this is why people ban phones at their weddings.
I’m tired of people getting annoyed or thinking that I’m dead because I haven’t answered a text/snapchatted/tweeted or something or other within the last hour – It’s not imperative for me to ALWAYS be available to you. Sometimes I like get my thoughts together or even better sometimes I don’t want to talk to anyone at all so naff off, mate! I’m not being rude I’m just making more efforts to be in tune with myself.
The latter complaint however can somewhat be described as my own fault because I have always been a quick replier as I never like to keep people hanging. So now that I’m trying to yield myself off this achieved habit, people are becoming slightly irritated at my ‘slow’ responses. Technology is really starting to scare me, not only that but how much we divulge in it and allow it to invade our privacy scares me. On top of it all, being addicted to my phone is scaring me even more.
I’m scared that I’m loosing touch with the good parts of the world and not enjoying the moments that I should be cherishing. I’m scared that my conversational skills are slowly diminishing because I’ve created a terrible habit of filling awkward conversational silences with pressing my home button to see if that dickhead boy has texted me back or stalking someone’s whats app to see if they’re really offline or just ignoring my messages. I. AM. TIRED.
I’m definitely not a victim, if anything, I’m a willing participant and I really need to find a way to stop being so connected to the world and start being more connect to other things that have real value and longevity. I want to use the time I spend aimlessly scrolling through the internet to read books, develop a mesmerising vocabulary, learn new things that I’ve never even knew could exist, talk to my friends and explore deeper parts of their being and actually flipping enjoy living life like the older generation had the chance to.