Walking with God
So I said in my last post that I wanted to start talking about deeper and more relatable things other than the reasoning behind why I’ve paired my jacket to my skirt and rambles alike. I’ve been blogging for nearly 5 years now and I feel like with time, one begins to know ones character as well as the…
So I said in my last post that I wanted to start talking about deeper and more relatable things other than the reasoning behind why I’ve paired my jacket to my skirt and rambles alike. I’ve been blogging for nearly 5 years now and I feel like with time, one begins to know ones character as well as the direction they’re heading and all the things that they stand for. I wanted to be sure about myself before I started promoting my character and personality to you guys to make sure that I wasn’t coming off in a way that wasn’t true to form.
The last two sermons at my church have been focused on being a witness and diciple of Christ and our Pastor explained that even though Jesus has paid for our sins, we still have to honor him by spreading his good word to people. This good word is called the Gospel. I’ve never really used this platform to talk about things/views that I believe in as I thought that it was easier to keep things airy fairy and not be too political just to keep people happy. I’ve come to realise that I have to be true to my brand by opening up and letting you (my readers and supporters) get to know the many parts of me. I think its my duty to let you guys know a little bit about my God by letting you know my story.
Today I’m going to share my story about my walk with Christ. Some people that know me personally may be a little surprised by some of my experience because I’ve never really discuss some things with any one but sometimes, I find writing on social media so much easier than having said conversations in person. Hopefully this post will allow you to get to know even more about me!
So I’ve grown up in the Catholic chuch for most of my life. I was baptised in a Catholic church even before I could speak and I went to a catholic secondary school and sixth form. I remember from a young age I used to pray nearly every night and in my seconday school we were encouraged to pray at the beginning of every class (which myself and classmates included took as a joke at the time) but I must say now that I think about it I don’t know who the hell I was praying to. My prayers were always rushed and were very empty. They had not substance at all.
I always understood God and the concept of religion but I was never comfortable being in the Catholic religion. If I’m very honest, I thought that church was so boring and I was never taught anything in the bible. In the catholic Church that I went to, the Priest read off of print outs that were placed in a green A4 hardback folder – never from the bible itself. This is when I began to question religion. I couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly be teaching us about God but not reading directly from the bible. He could be reading lyrics from a G unit song and no body would know as there was not passion in what he was saying.
The Priests voice was always so monotone and low key irritating and I just attended Church just to say that I went. I even had my confirmation in the catholic church but again, that was just something that I did because I was encouraged to do so. I always felt empty and unengaged when attending church and I really had no regard for the religion as a whole. After a while, I got a job a Waitrose and couldn’t attend Church because I worked on sunday and at the time, I preffered working for time an a half that attend the Catholic Church.
When I went to university, I began on trying to develop a relationship with God but I think I was quite distracted by what was going on around me. I knew I wanted to attend a church that had a community spirirt to it where everyone actually cared about one another and where I was able to understand the Gospel properly. The crave for this became more intense when I left university and got my first job in the city. I knew that I needed God in my life.
One day my best friend, Roberta, invited me to her Church (which I now attend weekly) Praise Christian Centre which was great for me because I wanted a deeper more meaningful relationship with Christ and I was looking for a church that would help me make that connection.
I remember the first day that I attended Praise Christian Centre I so clearly and I have the worst memory which letrs me know that that day was very special. Pastor Emmanuel was preaching as the main Pastor, Pastor Kofi, was away. As soon as I got into the church I felt a warm sensation inside. I feel that sensation every time I go into church now and it’s so hard to describe. Think of someone giving you the best hug you’ve ever had but over your heart. If someone actually did this to you in real life you’d probably die but I feel like this is a spiritual thing for me.
The whole service was amazing and I remeber feeing so happy. The smiling-for-no-reason kind of happy. At the end of the service people were encourage to give their life to Christ. I knew that this was something that I wanted to do, but I honestly didn’t think I was good enough for a relationship with God. During this time I felt like I was extrmely attached to the world. I was obsessed with material things and little did I know, social media was becoming idolised be me.
One thing we don’t realise in this life is that we are very unaware of the things that govern us. The things that we let control us. Living in a capitalist society where consumerism is widely encouraged as a psoitive thing, you can create so many bad habbits that you don’t realise is having a negative affect on your spiritual being. By the way, I’m not trying to generalise to everyone in society but, this is something that I see commonly and these are still that I struggle with daily myself.
The end result is that I now know that God always wants you to come as you are and he loves you even when the whole world hates you. You always have a place with him even if you don’t feel worthy or pure enough. I also realised that being born again doesn’t mean that the struggle stops and it doesn’t meant that you’re going to or have to be the perfect Christian or a bible basher. With life comes wisdom and I blieve that wisdom is what also makes dedicating your life to Christ that little bit easier.
You begin to know your right from your wrongs and you realise than doing wrong not only makes you disspointed in yourself, but always takes you away from making God happy. We’re all human anyway and we will nearly always make mistakes but remember, we were told to come as we are in front of Christ. So if you do ever feel like you’ve done wrong, lay it at Jesus’ feet. It will take time, and it will not be easy, but always remember that God is patiently working WITH you and not against you.
Back to the service – I really didn’t think that I was going to be born again during this Church service. That was probably the last thing on my mind as when I arrived I was so far from prepared. I wore this outfit to church as I was due to shoot outfits with Fisayo afterwards. I remember getting up straight away when the congreation was asked by Pastor Emmanuel whether anyone wanted to give their life to Christ. I felt a sudden urge to get up even though I was covered with nervousness but my best friend went up with me. I remember standing there in my heels thinking ‘oh gosh. What if I fall down like the people on TV’ ‘is that even a real thing?’ ‘Damn, I should have worn uggs’ which are all such stupid things to orientate my mind around but again, I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect!
I remember Pastor placing his hands on me and encouraging me to pray and to try and pray in tongues if I could. I literally couldn’t do anything but cry. I’ve never cried so many tears in my life. But the thing is, these weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of Joy. I was so happy I can’t even compare that happiness to anything material or tangible. I just feel a feeling of contentment. I felt as if for once in my life, everything was okay as God told me that everything was great and life for me would be amazing from then on which is has been. I honestly have never felt so happy and sure of myself and a person and moreover proud to be me and a daughter of Christ.
I cried for no less that an hour and I’m so surprised that my eyelashes stayed on Ha! Even my make up looked untouched in the blog post. Even when I was standing, I felt so wobbly like I was going to fall down but I didn’t fall. Since that day I can say my life has changed for the better but as I said, since I’ve been so familiar with attatching myself to wordly things and concerning myself with all the wrong things that I still struggle.
The one thing that reassures me to continue working on my relationship with God is that every night when I pray and hold my hands out to God to worship him I get that same warm sensation in my right hand as if God is holding my hand when I pray. The feeling is a feeling of happiness and warmth and it keeps me going because I always want that approval from God even when things are hard for me.
I came across a scripture that helped me understand why I feel that sensation when I pray that made it make a little more sense to me. ‘I’ve set the Lord continually before me; because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.’ Psalm 16:8
I know this all may sound bizzare to an unbeliever because the one thing that people don’t understand about having a relationship with God or understanding who God is is that your relationship with God, the miracles he will perform and even the concept of his being alone will never make sense in the human mind and sometimes world.
As humans, we only understand things if they can somehow be proven. Even in today’s instagram society, if you didn’t see it personally or didn’t see a post about it nthen it didnt happen. You need to understand that God is bigger than anything that can ever be comprehended. Our human brains simply cannot interpret his being or relate it into anything we know. We cannot reference it to anything we’ve ever experienced. Even the God I know, when we do meet one day I know that everything I think I know or any expectations that I have will be exceeded by what he has to offer.
Even if you don’t believe in God I would really appreciate it if you respect this post and keep any negative comments to yourself because myself, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Lord don’t really want to hear it.
If you are wanting to begin a relationship with the Lord, I would love for you to attend Praise Christian Chapel in Kilburn. I have not been told by my Church to promote them at all I just think it’s an amazing church to create a foundation for a walk with Christ. Go on the website and have a read so you can get an understanding of the Church’s morals and values!
Hope you enjoyed this! Oh and before I forget…
Duster Coat – Zara (TRF)
Top – Zara
Culottes – ASOS
Belt – ASOS
Shoes – Christian Louboutin
ALSO remember to enter my competition to win 250 EURO’s to spend at Luisaviaroma.com HERE